Milkbone Underwear: Exploring Cheers and The Evolution of Ted Danson's Hair

Sam: What you up to, Norm? Norm: My ears.  I'll have to wait until I rewatch the whole season, but this episode's the front runner for my least favourite season one episode. There's some funny stuff here, and the sad story of a World War I veteran who arrives for his 10-year reunion to find he's the last of his troop. But the silly tale of a would-be monk who stops by for one last/first hurrah en route to the monastery pulls way too much focus and results in Diane being assaulted for the 3rd or 4th time (Sam, Norm's boss, possibly Rick Walker offscreen last ep, and now a man about to join the clergy) in just eleven episodes! Oh, and after the third assault, she immediately gets flashed by an octogenarian. I hope the tips were good, because Diane put up with a lot of crap! The whole thing feels more like a Taxi episode, and writer Katherine Green did pen four Taxi scripts, with this as her lone Cheers credit.  Buzz Crowder, played by real life WWI veteran, Ian ...

Coach: What's the story, Norm? Norm: Thirsty guy walks into a bar--you finish it. Part of the genius of Cheers' initial conception was the idea of a recovering alcoholic bartender/owner who could never partake in the boozy merriment all around him. The literal straight man in a bar full of colourful characters--at least until Sam became more lovably buffoonish as the show went on. Sam's daily struggle was never more poignantly addressed than in Endless Slumper, and Ted Danson does some of his best work ever in the episode's final act. I don't think of Danson as a method actor, but most of us wrestle with some kind of demon(s), and Danson seems to channel something very real here. Or maybe he's just that good! Sam helps slumping pitcher, Rick Walker, by loaning him his lucky bottle cap. Rick's slump ends, but Sam's luck runs out, and things go from bad to worse when Sam discovers Rick lost the cap. Turns out that cap was from the last bottle of b...

Sam: What's Up, Norm? Norm: My Nipples. It's freezing out there! If anyone deserves love, it's sweet Coach Ernie Pantusso, so this episode's a nice bit of wish fulfillment. Poor Coach has been out of the game so long, his last pickup line was ''How would you like a pair of nylons, fraulein?" But Nina, Coach's new neighbor, awakens something in the old guy. As played by Murphy Cross, she's Shirley MacLaine-level cute, and really knows how to put an outfit together--seriously, that's a great look that would work perfectly today if not for the tight curls in Nina's dated hairdo. Then again, lots of indie musicians today sport a similar 'do:                                                                        Best music video ever! But Nina's young. Like, younger than Coach's pickup line. So Sam sw...

Coach: How's it goin' Norm? Norm: Daddy's rich and mama's good lookin'! Remember when Sam used to lay down the law? He got goofier as the show went on, but here we get a no-nonsense Malone. Sam's had enough of the bickering between his two waitresses, so he orders Carla and Diane to simmer down or else he'll consider making "some personnel changes around here". William Devane came close to snagging the part, and gruff Sammy brings to mind what I think Devane might have brought to the role. We also get a string of some classic nicknames Carla's used for Diane, including pencil neck, whitey, and what sounds like 'gossel-head' instead of her usual 'gooseneck'. Creative! So the ladies hunker down to settle their difference after closing time. Diane's game--even more chipper than usual--but Carla needs some liquid courage, so she mixes up a family cocktail recipe called Leap Into An Early Grave which has a list of ingredients...

Coach: How's Life, Norm? Norm: Not for the squeamish, Coach. This episode resonates with me for two reasons. I love charades, and the slow decline of the game as a party starter bums me out. And I LOVE My Dinner with Andre, so Diane's sad stab at rousing some sleepy accountants by acting out the movie's title makes my heart sing. My Dinner with Andre's become a bit of a highfalutin punchline, popping up in The Simpsons, Community, and this scene from Christopher Guest's classic, Waiting for Guffman: Andy Kaufman even made a whole movie based around the same structure, right down to Satie's classical score, co-starring that great philosopher, "Classy" Freddie Blassie: And here's a clip of Wally Shawn dashing my dreams of an Andre sequel: Airing just one year after Andre's release, I'm guessing Cheers might've made the first pop culture reference to that great flick. Whatever happened to toga parties? I was never a fr...

Coach: How's life treating you, Norm? Norm: Like he caught me in bed with his wife. Ken Levine and David Isaacs give us a glimpse of what might've been with Newhart's Julia Duffy guesting as Diane's old friend from school. Duffy was in the running for the role of Diane as originally conceived as Sam's executive boss--the same dynamic they later used with Rebecca Howe after Diane's departure--and even the character's name, Rebecca Prout, rings awfully familiar. Rebecca's in town looking for some rebound action to blot out the memory of her cheating fiancé. Specifically, she wants a man from "peasant stock, tall, dark, strong, with hairy arms", and entirely non-intellectual, for "an evening of unbridled bestial pleasure. I want to burn at the stake of passion." Enter Sam. Diane feigns shock, "who, the gay guy with the war wound?" to throw her friend off Sam's scent, but Rebecca's not buying it, and Diane...

The Gang: Norm!  Diane: Norman. Norm: Gentlemen, start your taps.  Only five episodes in, and The Coach's Daughter offers maybe the sweetest moment in the whole series' run. I've been staring at this screen for far too long trying to find the right words to give Nicholas Colasanto and Allyce Beasley proper credit for what they do here, and I got nuthin'. Taxi alum, Ken Estin, writes what would be a nice average episode until the final act when he gives us a stunning moment of tenderness between a father and daughter, and...ah, hell, I can't even. I'm a puddle. Just watch it. Or re-watch it! Coach's daughter, Lisa (Moonlighting's Beasley), visits, introducing her fiance, Roy, and Coach's worst fears are realized times ten when he meets the guy. Roy wastes no time offending everyone, and it's obvious he's only marrying Lisa to advance his career in the lucrative field of door-to-door suit sales. Coach demands Lisa dump the schmuc...