Milkbone Underwear: Exploring Cheers and The Evolution of Ted Danson's Hair

Coach: What'll it be, Norm? Norm: Fame, fortune, fast women... Coach: How 'bout a beer? Norm: Even better. David Angell's second Cheers script doesn't hit the highs of his first, but Pick a Con...Any Con is an all-time classic, so it's tough to top. Angell's setup here is much more typical of contrived '80s sitcom conventions. Someone Single, Someone Blue has Diane's mother, Helen (Glynis Johns) drop the bombshell that Diane must marry within 24 hours. If she doesn't, as stipulated in Diane's dad's will, Helen will lose her share of his estate. Why would he make such a ridiculous demand? Well, it seems he feared his gawky bookworm daughter with the facial tic might never marry, so he made it a condition of his will that Diane would be married within ten years to the day of his passing. And why would Helen not have given Diane more than 24 hours notice? Helen explains, "You know how time flies when you're having...grief"....

Diane: What are the stakes? Sam: If I win, I get to go to bed with you. Diane: What if I win? Sam: You get to go to bed with me. Diane: Forget it. Sam: I understand. You, ah, you'd rather earn it. I can't sum up this episode better than gonzo_83 does in their imdb user review: "It's like The Sting but way cooler. I don't think I've ever seen a better constructed plot in a TV show than this episode." Word! The late great David Angell delivers an all-time classic with his first Cheers script. I might change my mind as I revisit more episodes, but Pick a Con...Any Con is currently my favourite Cheers episode of all time, working just as well for me at a jaded forty-three as it did when I was six. And the way the Matryoshka doll-style con within a con also cons the viewer? Genius! This is the kind of quality script that makes other writers seriously reconsider their vocation. Harry Anderson's two prior appearances as mercurial flimflam man, Har...

Coach: What can I get for you, Norm? Norm: Well, I am gonna need something to kill time before my second beer...how about a first one? For an establishment with a posted maximum room capacity of 75, Cheers sure hosted a lot of large social functions! But we later learn (not counting the stairs up to Melville's) they don't even have an emergency exit, so fire codes must have pretty been lax in the '80s. No Contest has Cheers playing host to the 45th Annual Miss Boston Barmaid contest, and Sam--who really should know better by now--registers Diane to represent Cheers. Naturally, the very thought offends Diane on every level, but she decides to use the platform to publicly denounce beauty pageants and all they stand for. I feel bad for poor Carla being passed over as the face of Cheers for the new girl, and her feelings are slightly wounded, too. Sam reasons that Carla can't enter on account of her pregnancy, and Carla wisely argues that this only proves ...

Coach: Beer, Norm? Norm: That's the sudsy amber stuff, right? Most Cheers guest spots are done in one episode, but Derek McGrath made such an impression here as lovable murderer "Andy-Andy" Schroeder that they brought him back twice more in the Diane years and one last time during the nostalgia-heavy final season. McGrath looks like the kind of guileless open-faced guy you'd set your sister up with on a blind date, so Stephen Kolzak nailed it when he cast Diane's date. The less-than-perfect date that opens the episode doesn't go so well; Walter (Doug Sheehan) looks right about Diane's preppy speed, but his compulsion to count the number of letters in each sentence would drive anyone nuts. It's a gift and a curse, as Walter's basically incapable of carrying on a normal non-numerical conversation. This screwball setup lends itself beautifully to come classic Cheers banter from sitcom legend David Lloyd with his second Cheers script: Sam: B...