Season One Ep 12 The Spy Who Came in for a Cold One

Sam: What's new, Norm?

Norm: Most of my wife. 

The right actor can elevate a good script to greatness and Ellis Rabb as master spy/poet/tycoon, Eric Finch, ups everyone's game on this rare episode that plays out in real time. This guy's sooo theatrical, he reminds me of that SNL Master Thespian sketch with Lovitz and Lithgow "ACTING!" So it makes sense that no tiny TV set could contain such a colourful character as Rabb who had a succesful career onstage, but only a handful of onscreen appearances. Even the highfalutin names of the characters he played on TV say something about the guy: Ramsey Headley, Joseph Haldorn, Tony Cavendish...his role as Window Washer in The Waltons is an outlier, but you get the idea.                                                                                                                                    

                                                                          Even playing drunk, this guy's all class

How anyone believes a word from the supposed Finch--even his British accent's just snooty American--is beyond me, but some lies are too much fun to NOT believe. Plus flattery gets him everywhere as he compliments Carla's Neapolitan profile. Finch regales the gang with tales of derring-do, but Diane's not buying it and exposes the man for the fraud he is. Finch locks those baby blues on Diane for what seems like an eternity before admitting he's just a sad lonely guy who tells stories "because my life is very unexciting, and it's very dull...sometimes, late at night in a friendly bar, I sometimes make someone believe that I'm interesting..." This guy drips with so much ridiculous pathos, it makes my head rush. His tone and enunciation give me a slight ASMR buzz, and he smokes a cigarette with so much panache that I wanna go buy a carton of cancer sticks right now! 

                       Harriet Sansom Harris as Bebe Glazer on Frasier making smoking sound heavenly

Shelley Long's dead sexy, and a comedic genius, but I hit upon one other reason I'm so enamored: I am such a Diane! Her smug compulsion to always look like the smartest person in the room in spite of profound gullibility reminds me much of myself in my youth from the age of 12--42ish. Diane feels horrible, until Finch admits his knack for BS is actually the product of an aspiring poet's imagination. He blows Diane's mind when he drops some verse and she's so moved by his raw talent, she interrupts her editor friend mid-conversation with John Updike just to share this shining new talent. But the jig is up when Coach starts reciting Finch's poem aloud. Sam takes it all in stride and thanks the master fibber for the laughs, and Finch reveals himself to actually be Thomas Hilliard III, a man so wealthy that Howard Hughes died owing him money. Hilliard deems Cheers "a very charming saloon" and offers to buy it. Sam names the ridiculous figure of two million bucks and Hilliard happily writes a cheque on the spot. Naturally, no one believes the guy's serious for a second, and Diane tears up the cheque just as his chauffeur walks through the door, whisking Hilliard away to his private jet. Diane swears she'll never again fall for such a ruse, but Sam proves her wrong when he says he thinks he's falling in love with her and she takes the bait. It probably helps that there's some truth to Sam's sentiments, and he's surprisingly zen about losing out on 2 million dollars, admitting he could never sell Cheers. 

Trivia

- Diane's recreational reading at the bar? Plato of course. 

- This is apparently the only Cheers episode to play out in real time with no time-lapse.

- The sign over the door which is usually out of frame clearly states the bar has a maximum capacity of 75, a number the bar tops many times. Then again, they later reveal (when Norm gets stuck in the window) they don't even have an emergency exit, so fire codes must've been pretty lax. 

Guest Stars

Ellis Rabb had a long distinguished career onstage as an actor and director, nabbing a Tony for directing the Broadway revival of The Royal Family starring his ex-wife, Rosemary Harris. Buy his most lasting pop culture contribution today would likely be serving as the inspiration for Kelsey Grammar's take on Sideshow Bob!

                                                              Kelsey Grammar on Ellis Rabb

For this week's tangentially related music clips, this spy business has put me in a Bond mood. So here's two songs that should've been Bond themes: 

It's a crime Depeche Mode never got a shot at Bond, but this slinky delight gives an idea of what they might've done...you can even hear the chord progression from Monty Norman/John Barry's Bond theme sneak in from 3:00-3:20.

                                       Kool Moe Dee's lyrical flow's faster than Bond's trigger finger!