Milkbone Underwear: Exploring Cheers and The Evolution of Ted Danson's Hair

  The amazing Kirstie Alley... Hello to anyone who can find this blog through the murky mystery algorithm! The bad shoulder alluded to in the last post or two has only gotten worse so I've had to cut back on computer time and focus my writing on other areas, which means I'm calling it a day on this blog. For now at least. I like to finish what I start so this is a major bummer, but I hope you enjoy the in-depth first season coverage you can still find here. Apologies for some dead links on the videos...really wishing I'd captioned them all for some context. But I can't quit without giving props to Kirstie Alley. This blog goes on (and on) at length about Shelley Long's screwball genius and I would've heaped praise on Alley, too, had it lasted long enough. She had an impossible task joining the well-established cast of TV's top comedy, and she somehow pulled it off in style. Cheers went on to flourish for six more seasons post-Long, and no small part of that ...

Hey! If anyone's checking in and wondering why I've dropped the ball after a steady run through season one...I have a bad shoulder which makes typing tough. And no physio during Corona makes me a very sore man. Had I foreseen this, I'd have gotten a dictation program (and a mic--I'm a dinosaur), but I wanted to assure folks my passion for Cheers runs unabated, and this blog will return! Stay safe out there. Much love, Kev

Diane: Sam, it's so filthy. Sam: Oh, no-no, it doesn't have to be! Not if we care about each other.  Diane: No, I mean my apartment!  Welcome back for Season Two! After season one's finale, it looks like Sam and Diane are set to seal the deal, but the course of true love never did run smooth. Actually, the bar's Sam's 'true' love, but Diane runs a very close second! Besides the consummation of our leads' long-simmering love affair, we also get to leave Cheers for the first time ever in this episode. It's impressive how much mileage they got out of just three main sets--the bar, pool room, and Sam's office--in season one. Diane wants everything to be perfect for their first time, while Sam's not so picky. Since Sam's sullied every hotel in most of Massachusetts, that option's out. And Diane doesn't even want to see Sam's bed post before becoming another notch in it, so Diane's apartment's the first location...

Hey! I'm taking this break between seasons 1 and 2 as a brief blog break (say that three times fast) while I catch up on a couple other projects. But I'll be back by the end of March at the latest, and here's three great links for Cheers fans in the meantime: https://cheerstocarla.com/category/carlas-nikes/ http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/ https://open.spotify.com/show/7dBX3Eim9fb6SmXmWRKyaJ Cheers!

Coach: How you doin', Norm? Norm: Coach, I'm on top of the world...it's a dismal spot in Greenland somewhere. Finally! The best will-they-won't-they? in TV history rewards our patience in this season finale penned by co-creators, Glen & Les Charles. Hardly anyone waits to hook up on TV today, so it's nice to see Cheers play the long game; when all those sparks between Sam & Diane finally ignite, it's exhilarating! And hilarious. Opposites attract, but one major trait they both share is the stubborn pride that fuels their flirty fights. Sam's pride takes a hit when his brother Derek comes to town and sweeps Diane (and the whole bar) off her feet, which opens the door for both Sam and Diane to really examine their feelings. Before Norm's unseen wife, Vera, became a running joke, the Charles brothers employ a similar device with Sam's bro. Derek's more succesful than Sam--he's not just a lawyer, but an International Lawyer, he si...

Coach: What'll it be, Norm? Norm: Fame, fortune, fast women... Coach: How 'bout a beer? Norm: Even better. David Angell's second Cheers script doesn't hit the highs of his first, but Pick a Con...Any Con is an all-time classic, so it's tough to top. Angell's setup here is much more typical of contrived '80s sitcom conventions. Someone Single, Someone Blue has Diane's mother, Helen (Glynis Johns) drop the bombshell that Diane must marry within 24 hours. If she doesn't, as stipulated in Diane's dad's will, Helen will lose her share of his estate. Why would he make such a ridiculous demand? Well, it seems he feared his gawky bookworm daughter with the facial tic might never marry, so he made it a condition of his will that Diane would be married within ten years to the day of his passing. And why would Helen not have given Diane more than 24 hours notice? Helen explains, "You know how time flies when you're having...grief"....

Diane: What are the stakes? Sam: If I win, I get to go to bed with you. Diane: What if I win? Sam: You get to go to bed with me. Diane: Forget it. Sam: I understand. You, ah, you'd rather earn it. I can't sum up this episode better than gonzo_83 does in their imdb user review: "It's like The Sting but way cooler. I don't think I've ever seen a better constructed plot in a TV show than this episode." Word! The late great David Angell delivers an all-time classic with his first Cheers script. I might change my mind as I revisit more episodes, but Pick a Con...Any Con is currently my favourite Cheers episode of all time, working just as well for me at a jaded forty-three as it did when I was six. And the way the Matryoshka doll-style con within a con also cons the viewer? Genius! This is the kind of quality script that makes other writers seriously reconsider their vocation. Harry Anderson's two prior appearances as mercurial flimflam man, Har...

Coach: What can I get for you, Norm? Norm: Well, I am gonna need something to kill time before my second beer...how about a first one? For an establishment with a posted maximum room capacity of 75, Cheers sure hosted a lot of large social functions! But we later learn (not counting the stairs up to Melville's) they don't even have an emergency exit, so fire codes must have pretty been lax in the '80s. No Contest has Cheers playing host to the 45th Annual Miss Boston Barmaid contest, and Sam--who really should know better by now--registers Diane to represent Cheers. Naturally, the very thought offends Diane on every level, but she decides to use the platform to publicly denounce beauty pageants and all they stand for. I feel bad for poor Carla being passed over as the face of Cheers for the new girl, and her feelings are slightly wounded, too. Sam reasons that Carla can't enter on account of her pregnancy, and Carla wisely argues that this only proves ...

Coach: Beer, Norm? Norm: That's the sudsy amber stuff, right? Most Cheers guest spots are done in one episode, but Derek McGrath made such an impression here as lovable murderer "Andy-Andy" Schroeder that they brought him back twice more in the Diane years and one last time during the nostalgia-heavy final season. McGrath looks like the kind of guileless open-faced guy you'd set your sister up with on a blind date, so Stephen Kolzak nailed it when he cast Diane's date. The less-than-perfect date that opens the episode doesn't go so well; Walter (Doug Sheehan) looks right about Diane's preppy speed, but his compulsion to count the number of letters in each sentence would drive anyone nuts. It's a gift and a curse, as Walter's basically incapable of carrying on a normal non-numerical conversation. This screwball setup lends itself beautifully to come classic Cheers banter from sitcom legend David Lloyd with his second Cheers script: Sam: B...

Diane: He really hasn't changed; he's still the same guy you used to tinkle off balconies with. (No Norm entrance this week) Pop culture often lags behind the world it reflects while outpacing reality in its aspirational intent and, while The Boys in the Bar had the noblest of intentions in 1983, it's a little cringe-worthy today. We've grown to love the Cheers gang over the first season, but they hit the height of collective douchery here, threatening to desert their favourite watering hole just because Sam refuses to kick out some gay customers who weren't actually gay, just stylish and well-groomed...well one of 'em--gay rights trailblazer, Michael Kearns--does kinda look like he's headed to an upscale leather bar. The gang's paranoia about Cheers turning into a gay bar's laughable, but I recall my own dear dad's concern when I started hitting gay bars that "they'll try to turn you gay" as though that were possible. That...

Cliff: Hey, listen..if you need a trois for that menage, I'll be in the bar! (no Norm entrance this week) Carla's third trimester-level large with child, but somehow no one at Cheers feels comfy addressing the elephant in the room, until Sam finally encourages her to share the happy-ish news. Shelley Long's (mostly) hidden pregnancy didn't fit Diane's story, but Carla was poppin' 'em out like Pez, so Perlman's three kids all made their prenatal TV debuts on Cheers. Carla pins paternity on Marshall, the lovable nerd who gave Coach and Sam the hot Celtics tip in the previous episode (also written by Rhea's talented sister, Heide Perlman). Marshall's ready to dive into fatherhood, and certainly financially stable enough to take on the whole Tortelli tribe, but Diane smells a rat when he mentions he and Carla only ever 'dated' the one time, and Carla's actually pretty pleased with herself when Diane confronts her. Maybe it's ...

Coach: What's New, Norm? Norm: Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig. This episode's apparently Shelley Long's favourite. I wouldn't call it my favourite Cheers, but it IS my favourite Shelley Long episode. Uber-geek, Marshall Lipton, shares a scientifically guaranteed tip that Cheers' beloved Celtics are a sure bet to lose, so Coach and Sam do the unthinkable and bet against their favourite team. While everyone's glued to the game, Diane receives the devastating news that her beloved cat, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, has died. I dunno if the Cheers gang were all raised on farms where cats just come and go, but no one seems to grasp the gravity of Diane's loss. If this was writer Heide (Rhea's sister) Perlman's way of making us love Diane, it works.                                                         "T...

Coach: Beer, Norm? Norm: Nah, I'd probably just drink it.  Sam transitions from relief pitcher to pitchman when an agent with an eye for talented studs casts him in a beer commercial. Lana (Barbara Babcock) specializes in representing athletes, and Sam's ample assets catch her eye. All Sam needs to seal the deal is zoom right past the casting couch to Lana's hotel room. Sam's cool with the deal because he gets a second shot at celebrity, and Lana's a lovely lady, so everybody wins. This is the first of several episodes (2nd if you count Julia Duffy in ep 6) that turns the tables on Sam and gives him a dose of his own shallow medicine. The guy treats women like meat, but he kinda feels cheap when he's the one getting used. Sam's never been "against a wild night of friend-making", but now he feels that he's supposed to be "friendly on demand" for Lana. And he's pretty sure she'll drop him as a client if he dumps h...

Sam: What's new, Norm? Norm: Most of my wife.  The right actor can elevate a good script to greatness and Ellis Rabb as master spy/poet/tycoon, Eric Finch, ups everyone's game on this rare episode that plays out in real time. This guy's sooo theatrical, he reminds me of that SNL Master Thespian sketch with Lovitz and Lithgow "ACTING!" So it makes sense that no tiny TV set could contain such a colourful character as Rabb who had a succesful career onstage, but only a handful of onscreen appearances. Even the highfalutin names of the characters he played on TV say something about the guy: Ramsey Headley, Joseph Haldorn, Tony Cavendish...his role as Window Washer in The Waltons is an outlier, but you get the idea.                                                                          ...